late year ender
Posted by: carebear on: January 5, 2010
Image from istock photos
“If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands”
To start off my late year ender blog I’d like to greet everyone a very Happy New year!
In all fairness my thirty-first was totally different from last year’s. It went from most horrible to an “ok” event of my life (and hoping that it’ll be a “getting better” next year).
Anyway on with my year ender:
I’ve been thinking (as usual) and i gues my 2009 was my year of realizations and hurt.. Pure learnings about relationships and stuff. I’m considering it as my almost ultimate “trying time” (relationship wise) because i’ve been tested as to how much i love that certain person and how far i could go. And now, if someone asks me if i really love sleepy that would be a definite “yes” and im saying that just because i could close my eyes and just accept what he throws at me even if it kills me inside. But if someone would ask me if i think its worth it then i’d say “NO”..
But every year God never fails to make me feel that I am not alone, because in spite of all the pain and hurt i’ve been going through he’s still there and he still answers my prayers.I know that things happen for a reason and that God knows what’s best for me so i just have to go with the flow with that.
In all honesty, the only one who keeps me sane from all these is God so im holding on to him.
And so i can say that my 2009 was an “ok” year for me.. not a happy year, but an “ok” year..
For the claim!
Posted by: carebear on: December 15, 2009
DF2RTZP9YNZZ
*give em blog to meh! haha kidding. There yah go!
my not so Christmas-y holiday year 2
Posted by: carebear on: December 4, 2009
Image from istock photos
“The only thing that makes me smile right now is the cold breeze brought by the “ber” months”
Amazingly, for the second time now, I am not too excited about my favorite time of the year. Which makes me sad just typing about it.
In I think less than three weeks, I will be celebrating my not so merry Christmas again. I only feel like its Christmas when I’m with my sister, shopping or just walking around the mall (which i dont get to do most of the time). And when i go out to buy some groceries because i can hear the usual Christmas carols played inside the market with all the sales men and women wearing Christmas inspired ornaments over their heads.
- I couldn’t talk much about Christmas shopping like I used to because i don’t have my usual salary to spend for my loved-ones
- about going to bazaars because i am not allowed to just go out anytime i want, even with my family
- about spending time at home and sleeping there because one wrong move away from sleepy ruins everything
- and i couldn’t be happy anymore about buddy being here in the Philippines because he has his own love-life now.
I HATE IT!
And I think it gets worse every year because this year, to spice things up, his ex-family’s coming over to spend it with him 24th till i guess 30th of December. Just imagine where i’d be placing myself during those times. I don’t think he will allow me to go home by then and i guess if he will that would mean like he’d be doing it again with her (if my senses are right to be pointing at the cause of that very bad thing he did). Im so torn and tired of this really!
I don’t understand any of these at all. I really don’t..
I guess i just have to brace my self again.. ohh and yes i still have to think of another lame, stupid excuse to spend another devastating New Years eve!
It’s all yet to come.
Just before my eyes — almost
Posted by: carebear on: November 16, 2009
Remember when i told you that i live with sleepy? Well, i do for about a year now and i get to see everything and arrange things the way i see fit.
Last Saturday, i left to go home because sleepy was going to have his field work and by that it meant he wouldn’t be going home until about 4am. I usually stay at sleepy’s place during those times but since it was Sunday the next day, I would have to leave early to go to church so i decided to sleep at home instead. It has been like that for the past weeks and we were ok, nothing bad happened, he was true to his word and i felt that everything was going smoothly. We left at the same time last saturday and we separated ok (no fights, no nothing, everything was great). and because of that i was not inclined to doubt him, actually it was not really my nature to doubt him, i never really did even if he had to come home around 4am. I trusted his word (ive always trusted his word).
But you know, for the first time he went to a field work without any mobile credits (which was a bit odd) but i still didn’t think about any bad stuff.. and i still had to text him the next morning when i woke up to remind him to let me know if he got home (the usual stuff) but no reply.
And so when i got to his place, that’s when everything felt so weird. I asked him why he wasn’t replying and he just said that he doesnt have any mobile credits (smiling) then i asked him what time he got home and he said he went home really early around 8pm because apparently the event got cancelled! and that was the time when my heart made its usual something’s-so-wrong-thump-thump. Because it was very odd of him to not let me know and not to ask me to come back because he was home early. So i said “you should have told me so i could have been back here last night” and he just went “uhhh yea..” without his usual feelings…
So i went in and the laundry basket has something in it that wasn’t exactly there when i left. I left just a pair of my clothes there and nothing more, but when i got back there’s a towel and a mini-towel (used — to what appears to be you know) and i couldnt be mistaken by that because we’ve been doing that for a year now.. Only this time that has blood. So most probably the girl was a virgin or someone who has an ending menstruation. And his shorts, which i think the girl used because he was wearing another one and a new underwear tag (girl’s that is) inside the waste basket.
It was odd because i asked him jokingly just so i wont get into his bad side and he made like super lame excuses.. Twisting everything like it was my fault and i should have known what things i put there because i fix stuff at our place… Weird (but we didnt fight about it bec i didnt really want to know — it was too obvious)
I guess, men wouldn’t really admit, even if they were almost caught, right? but the weirdest thing is, i DID get hurt, but im NOT as angry (i guess i just dont really care much anymore because im just waiting for the right time and the right reason for me to be free). I really love him though but this isn’t right i guess.
Who do you really open up these things to? i mean, it hurts to know he’s cheating and i couldn’t fight back because he’s going to take it against me and i dont want a terrible ending with him. If we weren’t meant to be then im hoping that it would end peacefully and be his fault so everything’s on his burden and not mine. You know, let his conscience eat him up alive for the rest of his life.
I really really love him but i dont undestand why im just letting this pass..
Its either i just dont care anymore or i love him that much to trick myself to believe that everything’s going to be alright.. and so far, it has been ok again..
Ministop’s “mini” chairs
Posted by: carebear on: November 11, 2009
Last October 10, I was tagged along by sleepy to a meeting for the up coming Ad Congress. Having nothing else to do at home, i went with him, plus i was thinking that it would be a good thing to once again see where I first worked (since it was within the tordesillas area).
And because I am not supposed to be seen by his brother with him (because it was supposed to be a working day for sleepy) I suggested that I would just walk around the area (visit the park, pass by the school) in other words reminisce while waiting for him, besides the meeting was just for an hour (or so we thought).
I walked around enjoying every bit of how it was peaceful working there, with all the “working” people of the Makati business area. But after about 30 mins, i got tired and decided to just buy something to drink and stay inside Ministop (for the aircon and a place where i’d feel safe and comfortable to sit for a long time).
But i was wrong..
The Ministop “mini” chairs
These mini chairs wasn’t exactly the most comfortable chairs you can ever sit on and not too advisable to be sat on for a long time.
At first glance it appears to be inviting (for a very tired person) but once you stay there for more than 15 minutes you would start to feel very uncomfortable. It strains the back and the only two possible positions you can do is to either have your elbows folded on the table (leaning on it) or you can sit up-right with your back not touching the arched metal back-rest (not so much for the term back rest) because it doesn’t make you feel rested at all, if anything it gives you pain.
And because of that i guess I know now why its supposed to be a buy and go store because staying there would just make you feel awful.
Imagine sitting there for almost two long hours. Clearly, this is one of my very bad ideas!
———
And to top the whole experience, when finally the meeting ended and sleepy finally walked across ministop to call me, we discovered that his car has been towed!!
shout outs