27th – denied!

“Sorry but I won’t grant you a visa..” is what Salma-look-alike told me after just four questions. Handing me a blue paper that, according to her will explain why I got denied.

Seeing that it was obviously a generic letter I asked politely why I was not granted a visa, but she shrugged me defensively pointing at the paper saying that it will explain to me why.. I smiled my sarcastic smile even if she was not looking at me (she never really looked at me!) and left.

After a few hours, I remembered the blue paper and even if I already know whats written on it (from my cousin’s experience) I read it.

In both English and Tagalog languages it said (in summary)… That I was not able to prove that I will be coming back to my country.. REALLY?!

First. How can you prove anything to someone who wouldn’t even look at you – as if implying that she could care less to whatever I say. I would probably appreciate any hint of interest or even a look in the eye trying her hardest to feel me or read my mind if I am sincere, but no, nothing like that or even close to that.

Second. She just asked me four basic questions super briefly (almost felt like it was a one-sentence script with half a second pauses). NO follow up questions whatsoever and typing her heart out. “whats your job, where do you work, how many years have you been working there and does your parents live in the ****.”

Third. If only she interrogated me longer and if she tried to look me in the eye, she would have at the very least felt my sincerity.

God knows I have no intention of over staying there. I LOVE my job so much (that if she only asked, she would have known that I was just recently appointed as a team leader with so much responsibilities to even think of leaving for so long). I just wanted to visit my parents because I miss them and to see nice places and experience snow (too childish – but hey, thats the truth). She doesn’t know this because she judged me instantly.

I am not frustrated because I didn’t make it and quite frankly, I have prepared myself for the worst, what frustrates me is the feeling of being judged right away without having been able to defend myself or really PROVE myself to her (just to her because with the other foreign consuls, at least I can hear that they were really being questioned – I would have loved that even if it would seem like they were feeling suspicious about me).

Also, it would have been a little less frustrating if instead of pointing to a generic explanation, you let me/us know the real reason why you denied us so we can assess if we will try again next time. And if its our money that you want (knowing how much Filipinos dream of going to your country), then just say it, I could have just donated 7k willingly than having felt getting ripped off.

Ohhh and add the rude and snobbish treatment Filipino workers treat their “kababayans” applying for a visa. They are like wild foxes circling and taunting helpless sheep wanting to get to greener pastures. You guys don’t need to be rude and sarcastic especially to the elderly. You don’t need to be sympathetic or overly kind, just polite and respectful after all you are still workers who work for them (foreign nationals) and not one of them.

So thats that. The experience is really funny (bec of the people you see and observe) and frustrating – not really traumatizing. I would not think twice to try it again but not anytime soon. So Salma (look-alike) – ’til we meet again (secretly wishing not to be assigned to your window next time. You are such a narrow-minded person!)

27th – denied!


ATM: watching the tv series Younger – really, really love it and Hilary Duff, but somehow it makes me feel old hahaha.

I can totally relate, not with the age but with the what ifs. Not that I regret the decisions I made, but just wondering what if I took the other way? It would be nice to have another chance to do things over again.

In other news, my cousin tried to apply for a visa but got denied – and it kind of feels awkward because you don’t really know what to say to someone who’s been super kaduper eager to get one but then gets denied.

I heard her mom told her that maybe it’s not yet the right time and the dad said that at least she experienced how it feels to apply and all… But she still feels so frustrated and I guess I can’t blame her — because she really wanted it so bad.

It will be my turn on Tuesday though, lets see what fate has for me. I am not as eager but I can imagine I will still feel a bit sad if I get the thumbs-down because 7k is 7k. We’ll see what happens, I’ll keep you posted on the experience. 

That is it for today plus the weather is a bit gloomy so nap time and then back to my Younger marathon in a bit.





Life really is very unpredictable.

I am at a loss for words these past couple of days (weeks even) after receiving news about the unexpected passing of our dear friend. Its a first for me to know someone so close to die because she allegedly committed suicide or of a possible foul-play.

She was an adopted batch mate who eventually joined our group of friends and in our circle — she is “Ms. positive”, she would always have something good to say and probably her mission to keep us going when we feel so down. She never spoke-ill of anybody no-matter what (as in, no matter what). That is why its so hard for us to accept that she would give up, let alone take her own life.

But if she really did this to herself, then at some point, I feel a bit responsible because I was never there for her — never really made an effort to ask how she was because the last time I spoke to her was way back in HS (that’s 13 years ago) while I kept close contact with our other original friends. We all feel bad about this because, like what our other friend said, “.. we probably appeared unapproachable and judgmental because she never came to us to open up or share what she’s been going through..”. We settled on believing she was truly happy from her facebook posts and captions and from the little convos the others had with her (she would always say she’s doing fine and she’s ok and she’s happy) and it’s only now that she’s gone, that we knew of her having a really hard time at work because she was being bullied and the thing about her family and her love-life PLUS the fact that she was living in another country away from her comfort-zone. Maybe it came to a point where she felt like there’s no more hope, and everything is just too much for her to handle, that while she was always there for others, nobody is there for her – we will never know. I guess its true that things aren’t always what it seems — we should have been more sensitive.

BUT if this was done by someone else (investigations are on-going) then that bastard should rot in hell because I believe, she doesn’t deserve that! And I really pray and hope she gets justice for this!

I know that it is pointless to say sorry now for not being there for you but I will pray that you find the peace that you want, the justice you deserve and the healing for your family.

You will be missed.


A Little Bit of sunshine

My two-year, year-ender written whilst feeling under the weather on the 31st of December 2015.

Actually, I could not specifically remember 2014 as vivid; my mind probably chose to forget the details as it felt too disappointing to even remember. But definitely had as much as the count of my heartbeat to thank for.

2015 on the other hand is the year where I literally felt that my world has gone too small. Too small to even want go out and enjoy or just do errands. Anger and emotional stress (because of anger) is what it was made of for me.

I guess I went through my mid-life crisis (seeing close friends and people who used to be special to me get married and have kids) thinking how my life could be as happy and normal as theirs if I was walking on a different path and not the one I am stepping on right now.

A year where I’ve sent like a gazillion CVs for dream jobs that I never received answers from or if I did it would be a sorry letter because I lived too far literally.

A year where I felt that even if I wished and prayed until my eyes and heart fall off, nothing gets answered or even heard — up until 1/4 of last year’s days were over.

BUT just like in Perrin Lamb’s song Little bit, “there is a little bit of sunshine in all you (we) do..”

SO, in the same year I was able to enroll in a boxing gym worked out for about 5 months and lost 15 lbs. , acquired a car and learned how to drive, became a godmother to the first born of my favorite partner-in-crime which I guess sealed our friendship forevs.. We (sleepy and I) are also expecting… not a baby but a sealed deal for a project which hopefully opens many more continuous opportunities and hoping to land him a regular job.

So YES!, I am still standing. Firmly. But hoping like I always hope every coming year that things would turn out better — really better. I still believe and will ALWAYS believe, that GOD is greater than all my worries, fears, doubts and problems and am thankful for everything that happened last year.

I claim that the best is yet to come for me this 2016!



A Little Bit of sunshine


The waiting game. I don’t know what’s worse, waiting for the interview to start or waiting for that email that would literally change my life.

That unnerving, almost painful pulpitation you feel right beneath your lungs.The same feeling you feel when you are on top of a roller coaster hanging just before it slides deep down the rails.

I hope it ends soon (with of course a favorable decision).

Tick-tock, tick-tock


Would you?

Imagine yourself depressed, down and sad.

You have your friends to talk to but you chose not to confide to them because you want someone else’ opinion. Someone you don’t know and someone who doesn’t have any idea who you are – an unbiased opinion – a new voice.

Someone comes and offers a listening ear and a few advises. Some sort of a friend from another part of the world.

Would you confide to this person?

Would you?