Oh hello there prince charming!
That monday experience was really something — besides it being the closest face-to-face encounter I’ve ever had with you, it was also the day I felt we really are worlds apart.
You’re eyes are so beautiful – I can still see how you’ve fixed your eyes on me even if it was just for 3 seconds. I really really like you because you seem so friendly and approachable, considering that you are a celebrity.
It is so rare that our paths cross that I would always wish to see you or pass by you in the office halls every single day because it just makes my day complete. There was even a time, in one of those rare moments that you smiled at me, gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder and motioned for me to go ahead because you are such a gentleman — and I instantly felt like I was in heaven FOR MONTHS!
But that “june monday” changed everything for me.
The look you gave me when I smiled at you and asked to enter the door (which by the way you were blocking) TRULY made me feel FUGLY (fat and ugly) and I have never, in my life, felt that way.
Yes, yes, I know, I am chubby and probably not your type at all and you were probably not in your best element and in a bad mood but that scrutinizing look, almost a look of disgust, crumbled my heart and sucked all my self-esteem.
Everything felt like a blur after that, that somehow my feet found its way infront of a mirror and I just stared at myself. And even though, I’ve always known I was chubby, it was just then that I realized I AM FAT and decided that I don’t like what I see.
I’ve been told by people close to my heart that I need to lose some weight countless times and I’ve tried, also countless times — sometimes a success but most of the time a fail or a relapse, so believe me when I say it is SO HARD to lose weight let alone maintain it.
But this time, I am determined to get my college weight back and be the girl that I once were. I guess, when you expect so much from someone and they shrug you off, it affects you in a way that is almost life-changing (almost because this I still have to see).
Thanks prince, I did not expect that and this, but maybe it really is time to make some changes and I need to break away from this round body for health (and love).
I just wish you would still be there to see the new me and maybe then you’d open the door for me with willingness and a smile.