Life really is very unpredictable.
I am at a loss for words these past couple of days (weeks even) after receiving news about the unexpected passing of our dear friend. Its a first for me to know someone so close to die because she
allegedly committed suicide or of a possible foul-play.
She was an adopted batch mate who eventually joined our group of friends and in our circle — she is “Ms. positive”, she would always have something good to say and probably her mission to keep us going when we feel so down. She never spoke-ill of anybody no-matter what (as in, no matter what). That is why its so hard for us to accept that she would give up, let alone take her own life.
But if she really did this to herself, then at some point, I feel a bit responsible because I was never there for her — never really made an effort to ask how she was because the last time I spoke to her was way back in HS (that’s 13 years ago) while I kept close contact with our other original friends. We all feel bad about this because, like what our other friend said, “.. we probably appeared unapproachable and judgmental because she never came to us to open up or share what she’s been going through..”. We settled on believing she was truly happy from her facebook posts and captions and from the little convos the others had with her (she would always say she’s doing fine and she’s ok and she’s happy) and it’s only now
that she’s gone, that we knew of her having a really hard time at work because she was being bullied and the thing about her family and her love-life PLUS the fact that she was living in another country away from her comfort-zone. Maybe it came to a point where she felt like there’s no more hope, and everything is just too much for her to handle, that while she was always there for others, nobody is there for her – we will never know. I guess its true that things aren’t always what it seems — we should have been more sensitive.
BUT if this was done by someone else (investigations are on-going) then that bastard should rot in hell because I believe, she doesn’t deserve that! And I really pray and hope she gets justice for this!
I know that it is pointless to say sorry now for not being there for you but I will pray that you find the peace that you want, the justice you deserve and the healing for your family.
You will be missed.