Ok, this is not exactly the first blog I wanted to publish for 2017 but i just can’t seem to understand and maybe someone could help me understand.
Ive been living a faith-based life for as long as I can remember and I would like to believe that that is what keeps me going. I feel strong when I think about it, how it changed my life, how it never failed me. Inspite of what I go thru time and again, I believed and I kept going.
I have always prayed to have a partner in life who have the same faith that I have so I could go to church with him and bring my future kids to church and make them join sunday school. And it did happened. Last year was really great for him (faith wise) as a matter of fact, he has more fire in him compared to me. Then this happened.
We have been hoping and praying for blessings in terms of work for years now. Yes, last year God gave us that, he was finally able to work, got his dream position but the salary was not that much – but he didn’t care. He worked his ass-off and yet it ended up being the worst company he has ever set his foot on – his efforts was not worth it at all. He resigned and thought maybe its a sign that we should just go ahead and rebuild our business again.
In faith we started to go with our plan, we did not have any funds for projects but we kept on looking for clients. Praying that big companies would notice us and give us a chance – coupled with provisions for funds. We looked for part time jobs every single day so we could earn money to fund our future projects – but there was none available and we prayed to win lottery jackpots. Too desperate for a changed life.
We walked on our belief that if we do our best and let God do the rest then it (our efforts) will be blessed. Soon enough we did get an invitation to present for a big company and we got in – we have yet to pitch for the projects but at least we are considered one of their suppliers. Then just a few days ago, I finally got a chance to get the contact details of another big company and as I wrote the email, I prayed to God that at least make them notice us and give us a chance. God’s answer was fast that day because when I got home my partner said that we were invited to present and to bid for a really big project – today.
We got all excited because its a chance of a lifetime and would open doors for us – both for a new career for him and for our business but then after a few hours of making the quotation we realized that our funds were not sufficient for it – totally not sufficient. It was so devastating because no matter how we look at it, there is no one who could lend us that amount of money. The startig target date of the project is this monday and even if its one month away we can not produce that money to fund it. So now, thinking about it, if we can not fund this project, how the hell are we going to fund the projecrs for the other company – its amount is three times bigger than this!
Now tell me because I don’t and can’t understand, why did God even allowed us to get this close to our dreams and smack our faces as if saying “too bad you don’t have funds” when He knew that we have been making efforts of trying to get funds before this ever happened.
All we ever wanted was a life that is stable. GOD knows how kind my partner is, that even if he doesn’t have a job, and someone asks him for help to get a job, he never thinks twice and looks for someome to help that person get a job. That even if we don’t have enough money, if someone comes up to him, he would help them even in the littlest way. Yet we get this, the feeling of “so near yet so far” and its painful because we trusted, we believed and we changed for the better.
I am sure GOD knows our intentions well that all we wanted to do is to provide for our loved ones and share blessigs to them and yet GOD chooses to bless those who are bad and not deserving – because we know people who tricks and swindles others and yet they are the ones showered with oppportunities and a great wealthly life. While people like us who chooses to live a fair life and hoping for a better life gets smacked!
I don’t understand! Why?! Then GOD asks why most of his people chooses to back slide?
God got his heart already and now he is struggling to believe again and it hurts so bad because I believe GOD knows his intentions well.
No chance for the good ones to have a stable and great life I guess.. We just drool while fools enjoy a wonderful life!
Talk about fairness from a fair God.