Blogged this sometime last year but I never got to finish and publish it for some reason. Now that I read it again, I guess it’s worth publishing after all.
Life has been so hard for me lately, in all aspects – love, family, career, money, and self. I never thought that it could be THIS hard.
Everything just went spiraling down since the beginning of 2022, wait actually 2019 and it never went back up.
I just feel so unhappy and unfulfilled. Dreams are not coming true, my plans and goals feel further away each year and my relationship with the people I love seems to either fade or have become damaged and ‘even more’ damaged.
I wasted so many opportunities, wasted trust (because of money), and had major money problems, and now, because of my desire to work from home, my 11 years worth of career is ruined because of a major employee case filed against me by our manager who hates me so much.
It just makes me so sad because I can’t believe that life would turn out to be this way for the ‘Cath’ I once knew – so full of hope, positivity, and joy that comes from within. Now, I’m just a damaged, sad person who pretends to be happy and unaffected.
I envy my friends and batchmates who now have happy family lives. Happy to be with someone they chose to love and marry, accepted by their families, and treated well. I don’t have that, and I am already losing hope that that would ever be possible for me.
I’ve been trying so hard and fighting too long, praying for acceptance and an open mind but it’s been 13 years and it just gets worse. I’ve always dreamed of having my future kids and husband become super close to my immediate family, having family trips, eating family lunches and dinners, and spending major holidays together but time and again, my sister firmly assures me that it will never happen. And that just makes me so sad and hopeless. It’s a dead end.
I guess it’s true what they say, that you can never get the best of both worlds because if I chose to marry my constant, then I lose my sister or my family.
brain freeze 